Tony and Callaghetra, As They Like It, etc., etc.)
KING CALLAGHODGE THE LAST MACBENN, Pretender to the Throne COATSKY, Earl of Nottingnam THESCAR OF GILL STUART WINDMILL, Bishop of Battersea ROBERT ROW, Earl of Cambridge JOAN, Duchess of Leicester MACDUFFY, A villain of no fixed abode SIR MICHAEL FOOTSTAFF, A turncoat THEGHOST OF KING SALVADOR ALLENDE Enter CHORUS, dressed in a boiler-suit.
I am here to start the play, To make you think of things That you will not see today.
To make your imaginations work So that you will not shirk From drawing your own conclusions. But first a few handy hints for all:
That it might not take place.
Macbenn, with your help, And if there's confusion l'li be back Unless by then I've got the sack.
Scene I - A clearing in Sherwood Forest, OF LEICESTER MACBENN: Time is short, my friends It is good that we meet SCAR OF GILL:
COATSKY:
Mygood Lord, MACBENN: Noble, brave Coatsky, The next round.
JOAN OF LEICESTER:
MACBENN: Well spoken, tall and cautious lady, MACBENN: I shall be with you soon.
(Exit all except MacBenn)
MACBENN:
Sorialist Challenge 20 December 1979 page 4 LABOUR'S LOVE LOST(Incorporating Machenn, Bennlet, Prologue Think, when we talk of workers, that you see them; Marching forward proudly, their fists raised high And if you feel really moved we'll let you cry. Imagine when we talk of barricades that they are here, Do not let the words 'general strike' make you fear is going to win the race.
near Nottingham.
Enter MACBENN, COATSKY, SCAR OF GILL and JOAN To understand our defeat.
Our defeat, my Lord!
What does this mean, It was Callaghodge who the battle lost, Thou were hardly seen.
lagree, l agree, I agree, agree, agree I have only recently joined your list But of one thing I am sure, We lost because of traitors in our midst.
Only a great mind could have harboured A thought so profound Which might help us win Calm down, MacBenn, calm down.
My noble friends
We have many battles to win Many enemies to rout; Remember 'tis capitalism which be the original sin.
Our cavalry is still assembling And in its tail will lie the sting.
But now away with you all; I prepare for what is to come.
SCAR OF GILL: My Yorkshire lads grow impatient, Don't keep them waiting long.
SCAROF GILL: Joan talks of patience and caution, But make sure Thy speech in Barnsley Common Is not about class peace O, that this too too awful situation would melt, Thaw and resolve itself soon Or that Methodism had not fixed Its canon against class war and Extra-parliamentary solutions!
How depressing, overpowering and Are the depths to which we have sulek.
While in office we laid the basis for all That our enemies do.
MACBENN:
falls on his knees.)
MACBENN: (Exit Ghost)
MACBENN:
FOOTSTAFF: unimaginable O, Clem! O, Nye! O, Clem!
The state of welfare thou constructed Is over And we ourselves are to blame.
Our labour empire is under threat:
Steel, cars, docks, shipbuilding are under MacDuffy is a scoundrel and Moss is a wet. That it should come to this!
But seven months in office! - nay not so few, not So awful a government: that it has already Accomplished in 28 weeks what would have Taken us four years or more; so hateful That it cares not if our workers live Or die.
But did we not do the same?
True I did protest, but few know that For 1 never discarded my Cabinet hat.
Let me not think of it:
Frailty thy name is MacBenn.
But now must I grip myself End ali crazy businesses And prepare our forces for the fight. 'Tis not, 'Tis not too late Labourism has not been transcended by crue It is unnecessary to smash the state.
VOICE: MacBenn, listen to me.
Who calls?
(Enter ghost of the Martyred King of Chile suddenly. MacBenn Your majesty! Can this be true Is this a mirage I see before me?
Be thou a spirit of health or a Vision of doom?
Bring thou tidings of joy or Forebodings of gloom?
GHOST: Mark me, I am the spirit of Thy old friend Salvador.
Speak great one, thou seest all.
Shall I rise or shall we fall?
GHOST: My blessing with you, And these few concepts in thy memory retain Banish all old thoughts from thy head Or else like me thou shalt end up dead Our enemies will never relinquish Their hold upon our state.
The peaceful road we yearned for is Burnt and purged away; Our enemies are strong But we could be stronger.
The cock crows; I must leave.
Remember well my words sc Your widow does not grieve.
MacBenn revenge my foul and Brutal murder! MacBenn beware The Ides of Parliament!
Thunder and lightning, Brimstone and hell, Methinks that was no ghost, But a disguised Ernest Mandel! (Enter a white-haired Sir Michael Footstaff)
God save thy grace, MacBenn!
My young friend We have walked through many a lobby And soon thou shalt be king.
(MacBenn pretends not to have noticed the old man. He turns ‚as if to walk away. But a loud fart from Footstaff detains him.)
My friend! My Jove! I speak to thee My heart!
MACBENN (to audience):
I know thee not old man: get thee to the Upper How ill white hairs become a turncoat attack.
Then I wish he would not fart!
House I am annoyed by thy face, Make less thy body hence, Leave moralising;
Than Callaghodge.
Thave turned Go, then, and plead with Callaghodge to exercise His patronage The wall (Exit)
Enter MacDuffy and Callaghodge, arm in arm CALL: Before thou speak, O brainless one, My congratulations.
MACDUFFY: MacBenn, MacBenn CALL: 'Tis not as easy as it seems.
To fulfil my schemes. 1am old and despised I should go now, but MacBenn must not win.
Are in the enemy camp For the task that lies ahead We need a different stamp Now listen carefully.
(He whispers in MacDuffy's ear.)
MACDUFFY:
CALL: Thou art a crude knave And I shall ensure a Handsome reward falls Thy way. And methinks I see a louse.
For me thou art a nightmare, I consign thee to permanent disgrace.
Know the damage ye have done is thrice greater Reply not with empty words Nor with thy renowned demagogy: Presume not that I am what I was.
And never again shall I need thy company.
Consult thy daily mirror on But believe it not when it says MACBENN WILL FALL.
Scene II -- An antechamber in Callaghodge's castle in the The sudden death of Squire Robbo Has weakened the forces of MacBenn.
I hear his name wherever I go Why should that name be sounded more than yours?
Upon what meat does our MacBenn feed That he has grown so great!
Give the word, my lord, And we shall teach the Cheeky swine a lesson That he shall not forget.
It will need brains bigger than yours "Tis true l am a fool But I have friends In many high places And their advice is often good.
The Prior of Westminster, Lord Edwardes of the Transvaal, Prince Conor Cruise of Orange, And Police Chief McBall.
So my liege and leader I can still deliver The forces that will bring about MacBenn's downfall.
There is one danger in that My troops might mutiny or desert. They might say 'We prefer another regiment, "We like General Moss's hat.
But I shall do thy bidding; I shali ensure that every soldier under my command Is created in my own image.
He salutes his officers, Touches the forelock When his betters pass, And assiduously licks Every piece of grime and dirt • Off every Gentleman's arse:
If he whose piace thou took Is now a Lord in ermine clad Inen Inou slall De a Duke.
But beware the Scar of Gill.
He is audacious, nasty, brutish But it anvone can put Mackenn On my throne He will.
MACDUFFY:
But this I know:
You frown, my Lord?
And the Mick of Gahey?
Emm of Lynn?
MACDUFFY: Thou art right, In its youth Ability to think or speak Or write.
Away with thee, Thy loyalty over-compensates For thine idiocies.
(Exit MacDuffy)
I always preferred men Who were fat Like Hattersboy.
MacBenn always had
A lean and hungry look.
Hethinks too much He smiles only with his lips Not his eyes He is a danger to the Labour realm. It will be a hard battle.
Scar of Gill.
Enter MACBENN, WINDMILL, ROW, COATSKY MACBENN: Good day my Lord Bishop, my Lord Row WINDMILL ROW:
MACBENN: I have read your manuscripts COATSKY: It isthe birthday of St. Clement my Lord.
MACBENN:
Once more into battle, dear Comrades, once more Without fear of war Let it not be said abroad I am dull, I know; and those sparks That others possess I lack.
The Scar of Gill stands alone;
We have a friend in Lord Gormless.
And the yeomen loyal to the The Celts are with the Scar.
The blow my head received Has permanently marred my Scene III — Barnsley Common. A platform on which sits the (in unison) Good day your Highness.
And have incorporated the main points In my address. What day is it?
(mounts platform amidst cheers)
"Tis time to storm the citadel Callaghodge.
Till he is gone Yeomen of Barnsley Surely you recall Squire Robbo Besides the point.
Than most weapons.
Grow more deep;
That is why we say Prepare for battle, ALL: The Scar of Gill The Scar of Gill He's got the power And the Will.
When the Scar gives us a shout We his yeomen will come out For we are all fighting fit Quit, Finchley Witch, Quil Finchley Witch Quit, Finchies Witch Quit.
Curtain Epilogue.
CHORUS:
The war is over, And ours has just begun. That British workers could not dislodge A despised old dreg called There is no hope of further advance No forward march, no gain The Witch of Finchley Will rule as well as reign But once our own house we do repair Then let the Witch beware.
The Battle of Saltley Gate Which decided Edward's fate.
"Tis true that times have changed somewhat We lost battles at Grunwick At Corby too and now the death of Has struck us a bitter blow But in quiet stillness and humility Our Lords Row and Windmill have prepared An Alternative Economic Strategy Whether it can ever work or not is It exists, it is here, and more powerful With every passing day the Cuts inflicted by the Witch Our country could become a desert Of despair and demoralisation.
I know these truths as does the Scar of Gill.
But wait till we sound the call Before you hurl your cannon ball, And now let us raise our voices and sing Your favourite hymn.
Thus far and no further can we go today, So go home and sleep and dream of What you did not see or bear; But if MacBenn disappoints you No reason or room for despair, Many battles are lost and won before WHAT'S OFF free from: Box 62, London Wi.
ANL meeting: *Pearl HarbourNEW A nocial.
Cheeky swines; introducing ine crana, gue.
abbearance. Ferre rrank trrom ra 1 var F. 2s December, Com, Conway International'. A Spartacus publication. Available •HOW the RCG capitulates to Imperialism'. RCT public meetine. Ine onone box, shourn so, boxin:
Let Renew. Cated by E Thompsonarit Ro Wain demands. Hor overtime on cArIsa Gordon Speakers: Paul Holborrow, Ernie Roberts MP. Th Revolution. Live bands: The Bearded Ones; The Commission) and the voice of Leon Trotsky. (No LEFT-WING play group leader moving fror GAY liberation, Ireland, Racism, the fight against ine tories — les tae same tie wauk world over and why you have to join the SWP. XMAS quiz: Who will mention Ireland first on Command please, to: Humphrey Atkins, Hous Foot in the Daily Mirror or Tony Benn situation in Outer Mongolia after the Albanian PUBLIC AUCTION: For the last forty years Ernie Roberts has marched on over 5,675 demonstrations, spoken at 659 public meetings. His shoes (vintage Jarrow 36, Spanish Civil War dem Act 1971, Cuts Lobb Enterprises, Boxing Day at Wembley Stadium. A boxing spectacular: The Mad Colonel vs PLO Heavy. Referee: Ayatollah BORN 10 RC and SH -- a carenier. we ve booke her a place in Fords for 1990 — S.C.E.B.
Socialist Challenge 20 December 1979 Page 5
ONE OF Margaret Thatcher's Christmas presents to the nation is 160 nuclear missiles of the cruise variety: Last week the Tories agreed that these missiles can be sited in Britain, part of the nation's contribution to NATO. Maggie has also given the go-ahead to the building of 15 new nuclear reactors of the type which went wrong' in the Three Mile Island accident in the US.
Some people think all these bombs and nuclear waste coming to Britain is a bad thing. But quite frankly radiation isn't as bad as it's made out. Of course if you get too much of it you may feel a bit under the weather, but there are advantages. Spraying the country with a good dose of radiation can help speed up the evolution process, it can weed out the namby-pamby, whimpering type and even create whole new genetic forms. All in all it's an exciting prospect.
But we have one grouse with Maggie. Why should a boring old nationalised industry like the Ministry of Defence have a monopoly of H-bombs? We say a bit of private compelition would give the H-bomb industry a well needed kick up the backside (not to mention what it would give the rest of us). So here we are folks. The Xmas present for the person who has everything — how to make
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MACDUFFY: CALL: But all these men thou mentions